God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
