Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
