apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
