Your face is a jimmy john
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
These tits shall not be calmed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
