I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
