you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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