i would punch a child for taco bell
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
