It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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