I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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