It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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