Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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