so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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