reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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