you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize