After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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