Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
