If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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