There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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