Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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