im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
