i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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