Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
