My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
