I hate your face
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
