So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
