If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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