no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize