Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize