Can i not drive my cunt home
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
