Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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