If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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