I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
