my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
