when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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