12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize