Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
