every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
