TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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