am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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