Say something about gay babies.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
