she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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