We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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