and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
