we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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