Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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