Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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