youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
