...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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