I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
