God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
