just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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