I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I want you more than these girls want KFC
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
