The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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