She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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