I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
