I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
