do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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