Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize