my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
