i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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