hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
