I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Of course I have a pirate flag
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
