you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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