He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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