you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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