Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
