I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You are a genius and a whore.
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