Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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