this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
