Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize