I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Randomize
