Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
