I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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