Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Be still, my beating vagina.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
