Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
