They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
