Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
