Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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