Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
