Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
